subpixel: A cracked LCD screen. (Default)
2012-07-12 12:24 am
Entry tags:

programming is war

i tried, multiple times, to write something here about the nature of my interaction with computers and religion, about how i am a supplicant to the gods of ghc and javascript or how programming is a near-mystic experience. but the truth is that it isn't; for me, programming is a puzzle. there is a way to get this hunk of aluminum and semiconductors to rearrange its state into a desirable configuration, and i just have to figure out what that way is. there is no mysticism in it, simply a battle: me against the universe.

it's not one i completely win, of course; sometimes i lose, and even when i win often my product has scars to show, edge cases that don't quite work as they should (though when i fight with heavy weights on my ankles and arms i find that though my punches are slow to come, more often than not they strike true. when i use lighter languages, strike with blows that come as fast as i can type them, i miss far more. i'm still unsure which approach is *better*, but i prefer to be slow and powerful. i find it more pleasant to *know* that i am likely to hit the mark.)

but regardless of whether i win or lose, the fight is usually enjoyable. and even when i lose, i can always recoup. the battle is lost, but the war still has another good sixty-aught years or so. and in this there will be new techniques, new kicks and dodges and punches for others to develop and for me to learn.

of course, the universe will simply fight me in new and interesting ways the likes of which i cannot possibly forsee. but i knew from the start that i would ultimately lose the war. all i can do, all any of us can do, is hope to make it as enjoyable as possible.
subpixel: A cracked LCD screen. (Default)
2012-07-08 07:26 pm
Entry tags:

headache

i still want to keep my emotions, i think. the idea that i don't is one that i tend to only tend to have when i'm depressed, and i know abstractly that depressed logic is unsound, its axioms are bad.

i just want to be able to plug my head into a USB port when i have a headache and run diagnostics. i want to know what's going on inside my head instead of having to guess through external readouts that can't really be interpreted reliably, through dilation of pupils and sweaty palms and headaches.

the headache is such an awful signal, it's maybe a couple bits worth of information. insufficient hydration? caffeine withdrawl? it's unknowable because there's no diagnostics! no hex dumps of the brain.

it's such a shitty thing and sometimes it seems like half our intelligence is devoted to finding ways to work around how awful the human body is. of course, i'm not under the illusion that a robot would be any better; there would be waterproofing, technical glitches, insulation, rust, obsolescence, and all kinds of other issues.

but we wouldn't have headaches.
subpixel: A cracked LCD screen. (Default)
2012-01-28 09:22 am

(no subject)

also suggestions for cool people/communities to follow on dreamwidth would be appreciated
subpixel: A cracked LCD screen. (Default)
2012-01-28 08:52 am
Entry tags:

a new place for things to go

hello! this is tumblr user endofunctor aka yaoi_prophet aka whatever else you know me as

I got this because raph convinced me to ("i've considered getting a dreamwidth actually" "oh you should do it" "ok") and because i think i've decided that i'm uncomfortable with tumblr for writing long-form thoughtful posts

the design of the site doesn't really encourage them, it encourages posting lots of short text and photos, and while that's okay and i still do intend to keep up posting about tumblr, i decided it's not really conductive to actually thinking in-depth about things.

and also on tumblr i'm vaguely stuck in social mores? like i have the 'plastics' and the otherkin and the SJ and the anti-SJ and it's all a lot to keep track of. i think this is a spot where i can actually feel like i can say what i want to say.